Here are a few fake tech news headlines I wish I’d seen today:
- Foreign Affairs: Google, Taiwan Announce “Merger of Equals” to Counter China
- SFGate: Facebook Gives in to Privacy Demands; All Information Now Inaccessible by Default
- CongressDaily: Congress to Vote by Twitter, Hashtag Landgrab Begins for Clever Bill Acronym Titles
- Broadband Breakfast: FCC Nationalizes Broadband Providers, Free Press Says “Important First Step”
- Worker’s Daily: Obama to Create Department of Journalism, Promises End to “Media Meddling” in Politics
- Federal Times: FCC Asserts Ancillary Jurisdiction over 2010 Census, Claims Measuring Population First Step in Measuring Broadband Use (Adam Marcus)
- SearchEngineWatch: Yahoo!’s “e.g.” Browser Latest “i.e.” Competitor, Privacy Advocates Demand Yodeling Opt-In (YaHOOOOOOOOOOO!)
- Privacy Times: Google Critics Scott Cleland, Jeff Chester Form Bi-Partisan “Elgoog Institute” to Expose Google Evil
- London Times: Microsoft Pulls Windows Operating System from Europe to Protest “Great Wall of Brussels” Antitrust Protectionism
- CircleID: ICANN-DY Wall Calendar with Hotties of Internet Governance, CEO Beckstrom to Reprise Scott Brown Centerfold
- MediaPost: FTC Bans Blogging, Wikipedia as “Unfair” & “Deceptive”
- The Hill: Court Rules Bush Wiretapping Illegal; Obama Administration Vows Not to Reveal Own Illegal Wiretaps
- E-Commerce Today: Amazon.com Relocates Facilities to Amazon River to Avoid U.S. State Sales Taxes, Too Late for Carnaval
- Communications Daily: Hugo Chavez Rumored Replacement for Retiring FCC Commissioner, Promises Not to Regulate Internet
- Washington Post: Obama Makes Good on Campaign Transparency Promises, Installs 24/7 Webcams Throughout White House
- New York Times: New Study: Kids Under 13 Suddenly Start Lying about Age to Evade COPPA Parental Consent Requirement
- Gawker: State of the Net Conference Again Frustrated by Insufficient Bandwidth, Organizers Promise More Traffic Management Next Year (Adam Marcus)
- Moscow Times: Russian Hackers Demand FCC Impose Data Portability Backdoors
- Tech Crunch: Nigerian Spam Kings Applaud US CAN-SPAM Law as Useful Fiction, Good for Overseas Competition
- Daily Caprican: Caprican Communications Commission Announces Goal of Universal V-World Access, Demands V-Neutrality
- Universe Today: FCC Scraps “Gateway Device” Plan, Just Gives $1 Billion to TiVo (Adam Marcus)
- USA Today: FISA Court Judges Take Permanent Vacation, Nobody Notices (Adam Marcus)
- Seattle Times: Microsoft Unveils Own Social Networking Service, Makes All MSCE-Certified Admins “Mayors” (Adam Marcus)
Hey, they don’t pay us to be funny! Feel free to share your favorite mock headlines below.
The Technology Liberation Front is the tech policy blog dedicated to keeping politicians' hands off the 'net and everything else related to technology.