Best Tech-Related April Fool’s Headlines You Won’t See Today

by on April 1, 2010 · 8 comments

Here are a few fake tech news headlines I wish I’d seen today:

  • Foreign Affairs: Google, Taiwan Announce “Merger of Equals” to Counter China
  • SFGate: Facebook Gives in to Privacy Demands; All Information Now Inaccessible by Default
  • CongressDaily: Congress to Vote by Twitter, Hashtag Landgrab Begins for Clever Bill Acronym Titles
  • Broadband Breakfast: FCC Nationalizes Broadband Providers, Free Press Says “Important First Step”
  • Worker’s Daily: Obama to Create Department of Journalism, Promises End to “Media Meddling” in Politics
  • Federal Times: FCC Asserts Ancillary Jurisdiction over 2010 Census, Claims Measuring Population First Step in Measuring Broadband Use (Adam Marcus)
  • SearchEngineWatch: Yahoo!’s “e.g.” Browser Latest “i.e.” Competitor, Privacy Advocates Demand Yodeling Opt-In (YaHOOOOOOOOOOO!)
  • Privacy Times: Google Critics Scott Cleland, Jeff Chester Form Bi-Partisan “Elgoog Institute” to Expose Google Evil
  • London Times: Microsoft Pulls Windows Operating System from Europe to Protest “Great Wall of Brussels” Antitrust Protectionism
  • CircleID: ICANN-DY Wall Calendar with Hotties of Internet Governance, CEO Beckstrom to Reprise Scott Brown Centerfold
  • MediaPost: FTC Bans Blogging, Wikipedia as “Unfair” & “Deceptive”
  • The Hill: Court Rules Bush Wiretapping Illegal; Obama Administration Vows Not to Reveal Own Illegal Wiretaps
  • E-Commerce Today: Relocates Facilities to Amazon River to Avoid U.S. State Sales Taxes, Too Late for Carnaval
  • Communications Daily: Hugo Chavez Rumored Replacement for Retiring FCC Commissioner, Promises Not to Regulate Internet
  • Washington Post: Obama Makes Good on Campaign Transparency Promises, Installs 24/7 Webcams Throughout White House
  • New York Times: New Study: Kids Under 13 Suddenly Start Lying about Age to Evade COPPA Parental Consent Requirement
  • Gawker: State of the Net Conference Again Frustrated by Insufficient Bandwidth, Organizers Promise More Traffic Management Next Year (Adam Marcus)
  • Moscow Times: Russian Hackers Demand FCC Impose Data Portability Backdoors
  • Tech Crunch: Nigerian Spam Kings Applaud US CAN-SPAM Law as Useful Fiction, Good for Overseas Competition
  • Daily Caprican: Caprican Communications Commission Announces Goal of Universal V-World Access, Demands V-Neutrality
  • Universe Today: FCC Scraps “Gateway Device” Plan, Just Gives $1 Billion to TiVo (Adam Marcus)
  • USA Today: FISA Court Judges Take Permanent Vacation, Nobody Notices (Adam Marcus)
  • Seattle Times: Microsoft Unveils Own Social Networking Service, Makes All MSCE-Certified Admins “Mayors” (Adam Marcus)

Hey, they don’t pay us to be funny! Feel free to share your favorite mock headlines below.

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