FCC to Require ADHDTV broadcasts by 2007

by on November 23, 2005

From the Onion.

FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007
November 23, 2005 | Issue 41•47

WASHINGTON, DC–The Federal Communications Commission voted 3-1 Monday to require electronics manufacturers to make all television sets ADHD-compatible within two years…FCC Chairman Kevin Martin characterized the move as “a natural, forward-thinking response to the changing needs of the average American viewer…”

…”In the media-saturated climate of the modern age, few have the time and energy to sit still for an entire episode of King Of Queens,” Martin said. “Although the FCC will leave it up to the television networks to make the necessary programming changes, we are recommending, in accordance with the ADHDTV standard, that all shows be no more than six minutes in length, and that they contain jarring and unpredictable camera cuts to shiny props and detailed background sets…”

…The ruling represents a growing shift toward ADHDTV, a television format designed to meet the needs of an increasingly inattentive and hyperactive audience. The tuner includes a built-in device that automatically changes channels after three minutes of uninterrupted single-station viewing, as well as a picture-in-picture-in-picture-in-picture option…”A majority of our shows are only watchable for a few minutes at a time anyway,” said Fox president Peter Liguori, whose recently unveiled fall 2007 TV schedule includes over 850 new series. ..

Well, it could be true. They’ve done stranger things.

Happy Thanksgiving…

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