Since joining the ranks of the unemployed, a number of folks have sent kind notes wishing me well and asking what’s next for me. Well, now that I finally have the time to pursue my lifelong dream, I’m pleased to announce my new venture: The Sin Think Tank. The mission of the Sin Think Tank will be to promote prurient interests, gun play, gambling, unhealthy eating, and alcohol and tobacco appreciation. Some of our positions or programs will include:
- The Bob Guccione Fellow in Cultural Studies
- The Joe Camel Chair in Environmental Analysis
- The Smith & Wesson Institute for Peace
- The Jack Daniels Center for Spirited Discussion
- The Center for Gambling Promotion
- The Dunkin Donuts Nutrition & Nourishment Initiative (aka, the “Feed the World” initiative)
- The Hunter S. Thompson Foundation for Free Living & High Times
Our official headquarters — a unique edifice constructed entirely from stacks of Benjamins stuck together with trans fats and extra-sugary kids’ gum — will eventually be located in Las Vegas, Nevada, of course. Job benefits are excellent, especially our Mixed Martial Arts day care center for the kiddies.
Resumes are welcome but personal interviews are preferred and will take place at Gilbert’s Indoor Gun Range or at The Brickskeller while applicants are expected to sample 2% of every beer in stock during one sitting.
I welcome ideas for other positions and centers. [The Sin Think Tank is an Equal Opportunity Offender Employer.]