OT: My Annual Anti-Soccer Rant

OK, this has nothing to do with technology policy, but knowing the love some of my fellow TLF bloggers have for the game of soccer, every once and awhile I like to go off on a little rant about this dreadful sport that is currently infecting America.

To explain why I hate soccer so much, let’s take a look at last night’s opening PLAYOFF game between the D.C. United and the Chicago Fire.

Both teams charged up and down the field numerous times, playing footsie with each other the whole way, until they got close to the goal and then – – assuming some stupid offsides penalty was not called for someone actually beating their man downfield – – they kicked the ball and the crowd would go wild because it was only 5 feet away from the net instead of the usual 10-15 feet off the mark.

Back and forth they went all night until this monotony produced the stellar result of – – are you ready for this – – a 0-0 TIE GAME.

Woo-hoo! Pop the champagne and let’s celebrate this big ZERO-ZERO playoff tie!!

I just cannot think of anything more exciting than that. After all, wining is for losers. In our “let’s not hurt Johnny’s feelings” political correct world, soccer is the perfect sport. When the commies who invented this stupid sport were sitting down to devise the rules, apparently they had a special “from each according to their need” moment and decided that TIE games during PLAYOFFS would be the ultimate equalizer of the masses.

I’m sorry, but I refuse to call anything a “sport” if it can end in a tie especially during “a playoff.” Doesn’t “playoff” mean you play till one team is off the board? I guess not in the pinko little sport of soccer.

[Jim Harper, Tim Lee and other soccer dorks… I invite any defense you guys want to provide for this pathetic “sport.” But I won’t be reading it until after I get done watching Game 1 of the World Series. You’ve heard of baseball, I assume? That’s a sport where playoff games end with one team defeating the other.]

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