Once again, it’s all “for the children” (FCC’s “Kid Zone”)

Ray Gifford over at PFF brought this new FCC “Kids Zone” website to my attention.

It includes a goofy little mascot named “Broadband” (seriously, is that the best they could come up with?) who welcomes kids to the site and encourages them to learn about the exciting world of number portability and the Do Not Call list. (As Dave Barry might say, you can’t make this stuff up folks.)

In this crossword puzzle for kindergarten kids, #6 across asks: “TV-Y is a type of _________,” and # 1Down wants to know if the little tikes can figure out this one: “The (301) in (301) 555-5555 is Maryland’s _______.” And on this word search for high school kids, the agency challenges kids to find phrases like “Subscriber Line Charge,” “Common Carrier, and “Enhanced Service Providers.”

Woo-Hoo… are we having fun yet? Kids everywhere must be dropping their basketballs and video game controllers to play these electrifying FCC Kids Zone games.

All this reminds me that the FCC just promulgated new rules for children’s television last week. The new regs demand that broadcasters use their new digital channels to air a certain amount of “educational programming,” and then doesn’t really give us any idea what they mean by that. (Perhaps silly crossword puzzles and word searches count?) In one portion of the press release announcing the new rules, the FCC informs us that it will be outlawing that evil, evil practice of embedding Internet website addresses in children’s programs:

“The Order addresses a practice currently in use by some broadcasters involving the display of Internet website addresses during children’s programs, for example, in a crawl at the bottom of the screen. The Order states that for programs directed to children ages 12 and under, the display of Internet website addresses during program material is permitted only if the website offers a substantial amount of bona fide program-related or other noncommercial content, is not primarily intended for commercial purposes, and the page viewers are first directed to on the site is not used at all for commercial purposes and including links to any other page with commercial material. This restriction applies to all broadcasters, both analog and digital, as well as cable operators.”

Well, thank God for that! Imagine the horrors that would befall our society if kids we encouraged to go online and get more information about something. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe its best if kids are not encouraged to go online since they might stumble upon the FCC’s stupid “Kid Zone” website.

Oh, by the way, if the kids get bored of playing games with the FCC’s mascot “Broadband,” they can always hop over to the Federal Trade Commission site and have fun with “Dewie the Privacy Turtle.” Is there anything more fun than partying with a privacy turtle? I think not. But in this picture he appears to be flipping off visitors. Those wacky regulators!

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