OT: My Annual Anti-Soccer Rant

by on October 22, 2005 · 18 comments

OK, this has nothing to do with technology policy, but knowing the love some of my fellow TLF bloggers have for the game of soccer, every once and awhile I like to go off on a little rant about this dreadful sport that is currently infecting America.

To explain why I hate soccer so much, let’s take a look at last night’s opening PLAYOFF game between the D.C. United and the Chicago Fire.

Both teams charged up and down the field numerous times, playing footsie with each other the whole way, until they got close to the goal and then – - assuming some stupid offsides penalty was not called for someone actually beating their man downfield – - they kicked the ball and the crowd would go wild because it was only 5 feet away from the net instead of the usual 10-15 feet off the mark.

Back and forth they went all night until this monotony produced the stellar result of – - are you ready for this – - a 0-0 TIE GAME.

Woo-hoo! Pop the champagne and let’s celebrate this big ZERO-ZERO playoff tie!!

I just cannot think of anything more exciting than that. After all, wining is for losers. In our “let’s not hurt Johnny’s feelings” political correct world, soccer is the perfect sport. When the commies who invented this stupid sport were sitting down to devise the rules, apparently they had a special “from each according to their need” moment and decided that TIE games during PLAYOFFS would be the ultimate equalizer of the masses.

I’m sorry, but I refuse to call anything a “sport” if it can end in a tie especially during “a playoff.” Doesn’t “playoff” mean you play till one team is off the board? I guess not in the pinko little sport of soccer.

[Jim Harper, Tim Lee and other soccer dorks... I invite any defense you guys want to provide for this pathetic "sport." But I won't be reading it until after I get done watching Game 1 of the World Series. You've heard of baseball, I assume? That's a sport where playoff games end with one team defeating the other.]

  • http://www.soccertv.com/ Jim Harper

    Adam, you have demonstrated very well why media ownership rules are so necessary in today’s saturated entertainment environment: because, given all the choices available to them, the lazy, slobbering general public (i.e, you) can not pick up the remote and change the freakin’ channel.

    Perhaps we should have a board of, oh, I don’t know, let’s call them “Commissioners” that should weigh in on, or even dictate, your viewing choices. You obviously can’t select what you want to watch by yourself.

    We could have them be politically appointed so that they reflect the general anti-soccer will of the populace.

    Then, the slothful dirtbags whose remote controls have fallen between the couch cushions or the rolls of fat on their ‘craft’-beer-distended bellies (i.e. you) can have someone to protect them from seeing a game that features athletecism and dramatic tension. Everybody could be corraled into watching guys standing around spitting and thinking, then spitting some more. “I’m drunk! Gimme a peanut.” Yeah.

    Pitooey on your rant, slavish follower of sporting fashion.

  • http://www.soccertv.com/ Jim Harper

    Adam, you have demonstrated very well why media ownership rules are so necessary in today’s saturated entertainment environment: because, given all the choices available to them, the lazy, slobbering general public (i.e, you) can not pick up the remote and change the freakin’ channel.

    Perhaps we should have a board of, oh, I don’t know, let’s call them “Commissioners” that should weigh in on, or even dictate, your viewing choices. You obviously can’t select what you want to watch by yourself.

    We could have them be politically appointed so that they reflect the general anti-soccer will of the populace.

    Then, the slothful dirtbags whose remote controls have fallen between the couch cushions or the rolls of fat on their ‘craft’-beer-distended bellies (i.e. you) can have someone to protect them from seeing a game that features athletecism and dramatic tension. Everybody could be corraled into watching guys standing around spitting and thinking, then spitting some more. “I’m drunk! Gimme a peanut.” Yeah.

    Pitooey on your rant, slavish follower of sporting fashion.

  • James Gattuso

    But, yet, you watched it. Seems to be one more illustration of the hyper-availability of video programming in the home.

  • James Gattuso

    But, yet, you watched it. Seems to be one more illustration of the hyper-availability of video programming in the home.

  • http://www.binarybits.org/ Tim

    Adam,

    I couldn’t comment on the game since I spent my Friday night socializing with actual people.

  • http://www.binarybits.org/ Tim

    Adam,

    I couldn’t comment on the game since I spent my Friday night socializing with actual people.

  • Marcio

    Adam,

    I choose the worth possible soccer game to watch… MLS isn’t the world best league actually is quite below average.
    No that you “have” to dig soccer but if you are curious try to watch a major game in the English, Spanish or Italian league quite different games…

    Yes, ties do happen often in soccer games even in top leagues but this is due to the difficulty of actually scoring a goal in an competitive league if you ever try to play the game you will find that it’s a very difficult game…

    Anyway just because it’s the world’s #1 GAME you don’t have to like it!

    Peace

  • Marcio

    Adam,

    I choose the worth possible soccer game to watch… MLS isn’t the world best league actually is quite below average.
    No that you “have” to dig soccer but if you are curious try to watch a major game in the English, Spanish or Italian league quite different games…

    Yes, ties do happen often in soccer games even in top leagues but this is due to the difficulty of actually scoring a goal in an competitive league if you ever try to play the game you will find that it’s a very difficult game…

    Anyway just because it’s the world’s #1 GAME you don’t have to like it!

    Peace

  • Marc

    I totally agree with you Adam! You completely undestand my miscomprehension of how a game can end in a 0-0 score when the goals are the size of barn doors! I say put in some body contact and some some femaleish tags. In hockey, the goals are 10 times smaller, but they players of this SPORT actually mange to score and if they don’t, they at leat give a good show with their agressive hitting wich proves that they have passion for their game and they do something that soccer players can’t do.. make iterresting. Finally, all you people thatr call soccer “football” should stop, it makes the REAL football game look bad. The best example I can give to you is this, I was in a store and a young boy walked to the salesperson and asked him “Excuse me sir, do you have any football shirts here?” the salesperson asks the child “Do you mean soccer?”, the child in disgust looks at the salesperson and replies to him “No! I mean the real football”… So to all of you who are comforted by the fact that soccer is the #1 world sport, I have just one suggestion: enjoy it while it lasts because North American football, the only football that deserves the recognition of being called football, or hockey are going to take over the #1 spot from this third-world sport.

  • Marc

    I totally agree with you Adam! You completely undestand my miscomprehension of how a game can end in a 0-0 score when the goals are the size of barn doors! I say put in some body contact and some some femaleish tags. In hockey, the goals are 10 times smaller, but they players of this SPORT actually mange to score and if they don’t, they at leat give a good show with their agressive hitting wich proves that they have passion for their game and they do something that soccer players can’t do.. make iterresting. Finally, all you people thatr call soccer “football” should stop, it makes the REAL football game look bad. The best example I can give to you is this, I was in a store and a young boy walked to the salesperson and asked him “Excuse me sir, do you have any football shirts here?” the salesperson asks the child “Do you mean soccer?”, the child in disgust looks at the salesperson and replies to him “No! I mean the real football”… So to all of you who are comforted by the fact that soccer is the #1 world sport, I have just one suggestion: enjoy it while it lasts because North American football, the only football that deserves the recognition of being called football, or hockey are going to take over the #1 spot from this third-world sport.

  • Zidane

    what about 18 stupid guys trying to hit a ball with a stick and throw to “wherever” it goes in the field and call it a “home run”… wow that’s so hard… and between their tries they rest for an hour, what great athletes…
    You are such a loser… Soccer is here to stay for ever, even when babies like you cry about it

  • Zidane

    what about 18 stupid guys trying to hit a ball with a stick and throw to “wherever” it goes in the field and call it a “home run”… wow that’s so hard… and between their tries they rest for an hour, what great athletes…
    You are such a loser… Soccer is here to stay for ever, even when babies like you cry about it

  • Patrick

    Hey Adam, just because you have a lefty wannabe website doesn’t mean you have the right to decide what to call a sport and what not. Why don’t you go out play a sport in your life, maybe soccer, we’ll see if you even play for 5 minutes until you drop dead, instead of playing to be a fat ass knock off revolutionary…
    Like your stupid slogan goes I don’t think men (i.e. you) think at all, maybe the problem starts with close minded people like yourself… clown!

  • Patrick

    Hey Adam, just because you have a lefty wannabe website doesn’t mean you have the right to decide what to call a sport and what not. Why don’t you go out play a sport in your life, maybe soccer, we’ll see if you even play for 5 minutes until you drop dead, instead of playing to be a fat ass knock off revolutionary…
    Like your stupid slogan goes I don’t think men (i.e. you) think at all, maybe the problem starts with close minded people like yourself… clown!

  • Patrick

    hey adam, you ERASED my first post, you and your bunch CAN’T handle what I said about your stupid sports??? you f***ed up pussy!

  • Patrick

    This goes to Marc calling soccer a thrid world sport, You propably never got out 2 miles away from your white trash neighborhood, if you do go out a little bit my friend you’ll realize there are more first world places outside the US than your little close minded brain could imagine. Not even you are stupid but ignorant, bad combination

  • Patrick

    hey adam, you ERASED my first post, you and your bunch CAN’T handle what I said about your stupid sports??? you f***ed up pussy!

  • Patrick

    This goes to Marc calling soccer a thrid world sport, You propably never got out 2 miles away from your white trash neighborhood, if you do go out a little bit my friend you’ll realize there are more first world places outside the US than your little close minded brain could imagine. Not even you are stupid but ignorant, bad combination

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